The ego wants to defend, to attack when it has been wounded. “I can see it… Rooting, infecting… The pain…” A tear as he takes another step closer. “The clustered migraines. And you haven’t shared that with the people you love.” Another tear with another step closer. The heat in his hands begins to burn his fingertips. He reaches for her head, for the raisin that blots her like an ink stain against her face. The heat intensifies as he touches the darkened spot. Suddenly, micro explosions begin to detonate across the exterior of the splotch. The raisin begins to deform and shrink against the pale green.
The pale green silently shifts to pink and yellow as the raisin continues to shrink and divide. The multiples continue to dissect into smaller parts of themselves, until they breakdown into microscopic particles… Then nothing. He rushes forward to catch her as she falls limp where she stands; he catches her and cradles her in his arms.
‘What’s taking him?’ Ben utters, almost chocks - the better angel of fortitude surrender to his growing impatience. Jennifer was her usual silent, withdrawn and introverted – a veil James could often see through, but respected above most all else. He carries Joyce toward the clutter filled couch, tucked beyond the shadows of her ‘Activity Room.’ She was lost within her comma, her body rejecting the malignance that he had awoken within her. The human body is a resilient organism, capable of so many great feats. It was the ego that suspended the ability to see the ailments that secretly invade us. In most cases, to his observations, the ailments were self-propagated, to the exception of environmental contamination. Humans impose a great level of stress upon the mind and body. The physical self is the house that carries the burdens of our minds and the desires of the ego. Forever will it be the body that suffers the onus of the will for it is the self-imposed stresses that slowly kill us. It is in the recognition that we can help heal ourselves, to truly heal ourselves. For in actuality, it was the mind that created the illness in the first place. He simply wanted her to see that sickness, to find the will to save her self. Because life is filled with enough great tragedies and another burden would simply tear this family apart at the roots. Kneeling beside her, propped up against the edge of the couch, where his knees burn from the pressure of pushing against the knife like edge, he kisses where the raisin once existed. Pulling away, “Nothing is ever an accident. Everything happens for a reason.” He whispers for her ears only, and offers a crippling smile. “Find peace…”
“What took you so long?” Benny urges, watching him from his cracked window. The wind was quickly picking up, drawing in massive black clouds to shroud the county. “We have to beat the rain…” With a smile.
“Your mom couldn’t stop asking me questions… That’s all.” Why burden him with the truth?
“Ah… Well, she’s hasn’t talked to you in a few months… She’s been sick a lot lately.”
“Yeah… She was saying.”
“Oh! What’s wrong?” Jennifer questions, watching James flashing Benny a dirty look for stealing his front seat.
“She’s been having a lot of migraines… She sleeps most of the time.”
“Yeah, that’s what she said. In fact, she fell asleep on the couch as I was leaving. She was all conversational then she passed out.”
“Is she okay?”
“Yeah… Breathing easily… I’m over exaggerating. Really, she seems in peace.” James offered, trying to reassure Benny of his mother’s health. The truth would simply hurt and distract him. Besides, James was convinced that what ever the real problem was, what ever the truth about what he had seen, that it was now gone and her illness healed.
“Well, let’s hit the road…” Jennifer offers, backing her car out of the driveway.
“You should have your seat belt on James…” Jennifer calls back, looking at him through the rearview mirror.
“Yeah… I should.” Yet he does nothing.
“They’ve passed a new law… That a person not wearing it, unless under the age of twelve – or something… Is required to pay the fine for not wearing his or her seat belt. It’s like a two hundred dollar ticket or something.” Benny offers, turning to look over his headrest to face James.
“Then there’s the victims fee… Don’t forget.” Jennifer adds, trying to hide her sheepish smile.
“What is this? An inquisition?” James asks, looking past Benny toward the slow moving tractor-trailer and the small red sports car that’s overtaking it.
“No… But safety first.” Jenny quickly comments, turning into the bend to follow the tractor-trailer. “How many matches do you have today - then?” Looking over at Benny, who still looks at James with accusing expressions – their same old routine.
“Um… I’m not sure. If I win all of them, Could be up to four, maybe five.” Contorting his face into another grimace.
“Will you have enough energy to compete in that many matches?” Jennifer asks, contemplating whether she should over take the slower tractor-trailer.
“That remains to be seen. I hope I can… But often that is what crushes competitors first - fatigue. All I can hope for is that they tire before I do…” He laughs looking off into the dense forest beyond. The plush green drowns him within its overlapping layers, which sway in the fierce wind. “I hope we can make it.”
“You’re all quiet now James. What’s on your mind?” Jennifer asks, looking back at him through the rear view mirror.
“Nothing… I’ve been a bit weird lately. Feeling a bit sick.”
“Like last night?” Benny throws, looking over his neck rest again.
“Yeah… What happened?” Jennifer divides her attention between the tractor and trailer and James.
“I can’t explain it.” He scratches his forehead, looking for the words to explain the unusual. “It started a couple of weeks ago…”
“Oh, it started way before that…” Benny launches, laughing at his remark.
“Shut up Benjamin.” She slaps his knee as she shoots him a disapproving glare.
“That’s exactly why I don’t tell you people anything anymore.”
“What? Did your fragile ego get a little finger mark on it?” Making a mocking grimace.
“Ben, stop it.” This time she gathers an ounce of his flesh between her fingers and twists – hard.
“Ow!” Ben exclaims trying to recover the bits of pierced flesh from her vice like clenched fingers. “Okay, okay…” Capitulating to the agony.
Smiling, James returns an approving expression before continuing. As she releases, “No, this old guy came to see me… A real nut case anyway. He was talking something about Jury duty and eternity. It’s not important.” Looking lost again, into the felt spirals of the back of Benny’s seat. The weight of thought burns deeply in his face.
“When was this?” She pushes the subject, searching for a reason to feel like she should be a part of something, a part of him that he is too unsure of to allow.
“I can’t remember. A couple of weeks ago, before the math exam.” Looking puzzled… “Yeah, it was the day before the exam. I was starting to study, just opening my books when this rapacious knock threatens to shatter the door. It was like Benny pounding on it like a madman… Like he normally does.” Reaching over to punch Benny in his exposed shoulder.
“Eh!” At the blow, “That was a Sunday.” Continuing to nurse Jennifer’s provoked wound.
“Yeah… A couple of Sunday’s ago. But anyway, after he left, I fell asleep. Mom found me on the couch and told me to go to bed. I just continued to lay paralyzed on the couch, not able to move or anything. But I was sweating up a storm, I remember soaking my elbow as it rested over my closed eyes. It was about Four A.M. before I could muster up the strength to go to bed. Once I fell asleep, I had this weird dream of the old man. He was walking in a desert, it looked like there was this terrible storm…”
“A little something like this”, Ben points at the skies in their front view.
James smiles at Ben’s comment and continues to search for the continuation of his dream. “Anyway, he continued to walk as the heat continued to bare down on him, crushing him amidst the vast. Suddenly, this windstorm picked up and started pushing him back but he refused to give in, to fall and cower under the force of the sand blizzard. As he walked though, the wind would continue to pick up, pushing him even further back until he simply fell to his knees, clutching at his chest for one last breath. His tears turned to ice as he looked upward, toward the heaven and he saw this black orb staring down upon him, like a giant eye. He simply stared back, the ice tear hanging from his eye before falling backward with the force. In my dream, he died…” Unbeknownst to him, a single tear escapes and runs down his burning cheek. The memory of his weathered face pervades his memory, pushing past the forefront of her field of view then fades into the dazzling lights of his afterthought.
“Who was he?”
“What a sad dream.” She looks back at him with a tear in her eye for his apparent pain.
“I don’t know… he said his name was Eon. I took him for a homeless guy, too long off his meds.”
“No… He sounds sweet.” She tries to shed a sympathetic light on the unknown old man.
James tries to shrug off the thought and quickly looses himself in the speeding horizon – drowned under the deep gray.
“You think I should overtake this guy?” She asks, steering over the centerline to see beyond the truck.
“Anything coming the other way?” Ben asks, fiddling with an eraser that he pulled from his jacket pocket.
“Then what are you waiting for?” He smiles, turns and launches the eraser at James. “Wuss.” Laughing.
“Asshole.” Reeling from the assault, he tries to find the imbedded eraser, which is lost within the folds of his shirt. He watches as she quickly pulls up behind the trailer, the engine revving to a near wail. She then promptly, effortlessly merges into the passing lane and begins to overtake the trailer. James watches as the gap closes, with the brake lights of the trailer suddenly blazing in a hurried effort to allow her to pass.
The revving continues to pitch as she overtakes the trailer. But it is the erratic motions of the tractor-trailer that they fail to notice. They also fail to notice the driver trying to wave them off, as James takes the eraser in hand and launches it back at Ben. “Bastard!” Ben exclaims, laughing at the retribution and James’s apparent anger. James often kept a low-key attitude when being attacked, mostly shrugging off aggression. But this time, he fought back and bounced the eraser off of his shoulder.
“Hey guy’s quit it.” At that moment she notices the howling horn and squealing tires of the tractor-trailer. In that moment, she notices a blur off of the right of the car, leaping toward them. Slamming on the brake, she tries to control the car as the unsuspecting antlered beast hurriedly tries to traverse the barrier presented by the highway. She doesn’t blame the deer. It isn’t its fault. It didn’t want to die…
The car careens off the road as the deer thrashes against the front right of her car. The force of the impact sends them into a wild spin. No one screamed, no word is voiced as they brace for the impact, expecting the car to pull safely off the road. But it doesn’t. Suddenly, through blurred eyes Ben notices the mass of the tractor-trailer, trying desperately to avoid them. “Oh no…” More like a hum off his lips.
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